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Adventures in Learning
This week I took a chance. I stepped out on a limb and decided to write these words without any obligation for editing. No editing makes me cringe. The incorrect grammar and secret emotions that might slip out through the ink of my pen, the type of my hands, worries me. But lately I’ve been so focused on being edited, that I haven’t allowed myself to be free, to be open, to be wrong, and to still be okay.
I found out the hard way, receiving awards and impressive remarks often becomes an addiction, an enslavement of the mind. The more you do, the more you feel the need to do, to stay ahead of others and your past self. And when you're not doing, you feel worthless to the world. It's one thing to be build a resume to get into college or to get a good job, it's another thing to believe that resume gives you self-worth. We live as social profiles unable or unwilling to admit that Saturday night we did nothing. Looking back, tennis was trying to free me from those future expectations. [Excerpt]
When the dust settles and all the background noise fades into silence, and you're left sitting there by yourself, what do you say?
It's the thoughts that you have in these moments that decide where you will go in this new year. So, tell yourself a good story. Say to yourself that you've got gifts worth sharing with the world. [Excerpt]
I’d already been to hell twice in my life by my 18th birthday. My first trip was near the end of high school, back when gas prices averaged a buck thirty-five and Kelly Clarkson was busy being crowned the first American Idol. These factors coupled together would eventually equal my escape from childhood: my first car on the wide open road, me inside belting ballads.
But not before I first paid one hell of a visit to American Legion Boys State in The Sticks, Tennessee. If inside my car was a place I could reinvent myself, then Boys State was the place where I could try just being ‘one of the guys’. And that’s all I secretly wanted for my sixteen-year-old wretched self. [Excerpt]
Growing up I never knew quarter-life crises were a legit thing. I’d only ever heard of the mid-life variety that gifted men with new red sports cars. Recently I’ve learned that the quarter-life strain of crises are far less shiny, except for the shine of prematurely balding heads. The quarter-life crisis isn’t a secret because it’s uncommon. It’s a secret because we’re not ready to admit that we’re breakable.
Every now and then I still have horrific flashbacks to the seven seconds that set off my own quarter life crisis a few years ago.... [Excerpt]
The Negativity Cleanse is a 30-day manifesto for attracting positivity into your life. It signifies getting rid of the junk that’s been collecting in your mind. It’s not about other people and what “they” do to you or in your presence. It’s not about controlling their actions; it’s about having self-control in order to improve yourself. It’s much easier to point fingers towards other people and blame them for the negative in your life. But at the end of the day, you are the only one in control of your mindset, so it’s up to you (and only you) what you will focus on. [Excerpt]
There’s something about the quiet stillness on Sunday nights that forces us to look within. If we are wanting to reach a higher potential, we must make room for better than the present. We must sink into the uncomfortable stillness and let it open up doors. It’s easy to get too busy to ever feel this stillness, to ever feel the discomfort that comes from wrestling with our dreams, and that’s exactly why we must. Living in the middle of New York City, I’ll attest to the fact that the world’s noise is unending. Too often we give up on hearing our inner voice and follow everyone else’s instead. [Excerpt]
Secretly I like to think that the hope of the gift and what it represents is really what we’re after. To know that we are loved. When we feel loved, we want to become the best versions of ourselves. And Jess makes me want to be my better version. [Excerpt]
I never expected to be the gay one. In between all the Sunday school, youth group and Fellowship of Christian Athletes’ events, being gay wasn’t quite outlined in my plans. [Excerpt]
We feared getting the same diseases, sometimes talking ourselves into panic attacks, not realizing that we already had the worst of them. The disease that is fear. Now pictured as the fear of growing older, or the lesser fear of dying. The fear of being alone. The fear that decisions that we made yesterday, or last week, or last year have somehow led us to a place that isn’t quite what we expected. That they now haunt us as we’re running out of time. [Excerpt]
Three-hundred and sixty five days - and I’d like to underline each one of them. One year in many ways feels like one month, feels like a decade. It’s been nothing like the expectations I had laid out in my head, but much more. Coming home makes for good reflecting time away from the city. The past one year has been a rollercoaster of courage, fear, faith, loneliness, meditation, gratitude, joy and pure freedom embedded within new experiences, friends, job, home, and a new mindset. [Excerpt]
There’s a tree outside my apartment window in New York. I have no idea what kind of tree it is, but it looks like a million tiny ferns crawled up onto its branches and planted themselves into its bark. A million tiny ferns that were now bright yellow, as if they were protesting the summer sunshine to return to our street. [Excerpt]
It's up here, between bushes and bricks, that I've been able to see more clearly during this somewhat morning ritual of mine. Runners fly past, and I can tell. Some of them are running towards something - they have this vision in their eyes, hopes for something up ahead. Others, I can tell, are running from something. From the person they are, or were. I guess that's really how we all ended up here. One or the other. [Excerpt]
I believe in the act of dreaming. And that success doesn't come with an overnight fulfillment. Well, it's best when it doesn't. I believe that true success is measured by what we become in the process. That's what determines when the dream has arrived. [Excerpt]
We live in a world that is obsessed with being better than. Doesn't matter who, just be better. But finding our purpose in 'being better' will always leave us thirsting for more. There will always be someone stronger, faster, smarter, richer, younger, more experienced, more popular, more influential, leaner, funnier. [Excerpt]
Don't be afraid to ask: Why do I want this? If you find yourself coming back to your heart, go for it. If you find yourself pointing to others, particularly to please them, consider running from it. Right now is the perfect time to begin answering that call you've let ring again and again like a morning alarm clock. Stop hitting the snooze. [Excerpt]
