Viewing entries tagged
fear
This week I took a chance. I stepped out on a limb and decided to write these words without any obligation for editing. No editing makes me cringe. The incorrect grammar and secret emotions that might slip out through the ink of my pen, the type of my hands, worries me. But lately I’ve been so focused on being edited, that I haven’t allowed myself to be free, to be open, to be wrong, and to still be okay.
When the dust settles and all the background noise fades into silence, and you're left sitting there by yourself, what do you say?
It's the thoughts that you have in these moments that decide where you will go in this new year. So, tell yourself a good story. Say to yourself that you've got gifts worth sharing with the world. [Excerpt]
This is a story.
Charcoal clouds circled in the valley from high above the city’s center. A man, a little older than the both of us, stood on his doorstep in a town miles away and watched the black veil stretch from the infinite sky down to the ground below and violently swirl east to west and west to east, but always being brought back towards the center by some unseen force. The clouds moved so quickly he wasn’t sure they were moving at all.
Squinting his eyes, he witnessed the clouds pass over far away buildings, and when they had moved on, there was no sight of the previously familiar buildings. No steeples, no towers blocking his view through the valley now. [Excerpt]
Growing up I never knew quarter-life crises were a legit thing. I’d only ever heard of the mid-life variety that gifted men with new red sports cars. Recently I’ve learned that the quarter-life strain of crises are far less shiny, except for the shine of prematurely balding heads. The quarter-life crisis isn’t a secret because it’s uncommon. It’s a secret because we’re not ready to admit that we’re breakable.
Every now and then I still have horrific flashbacks to the seven seconds that set off my own quarter life crisis a few years ago.... [Excerpt]
The Negativity Cleanse is a 30-day manifesto for attracting positivity into your life. It signifies getting rid of the junk that’s been collecting in your mind. It’s not about other people and what “they” do to you or in your presence. It’s not about controlling their actions; it’s about having self-control in order to improve yourself. It’s much easier to point fingers towards other people and blame them for the negative in your life. But at the end of the day, you are the only one in control of your mindset, so it’s up to you (and only you) what you will focus on. [Excerpt]
I never expected to be the gay one. In between all the Sunday school, youth group and Fellowship of Christian Athletes’ events, being gay wasn’t quite outlined in my plans. [Excerpt]
We feared getting the same diseases, sometimes talking ourselves into panic attacks, not realizing that we already had the worst of them. The disease that is fear. Now pictured as the fear of growing older, or the lesser fear of dying. The fear of being alone. The fear that decisions that we made yesterday, or last week, or last year have somehow led us to a place that isn’t quite what we expected. That they now haunt us as we’re running out of time. [Excerpt]
There’s more to it than subway maps and spiritual cycling. My first year in New York has been quite the whirlwind. But in between the heights of steel and emotions, I’ve had a good amount of space to sink down deep into my own awareness and think about my journey. If we turned back time 365 days, here are the five lessons that I would aim to teach myself at the start of this adventure. [Excerpt]
October is my favorite year, err month, for a million different reasons. Mostly involving the saturation of colors and football, of friends and food. My first October in the city was certainly no exception. I felt like the luckiest boy in the world to have 8 friends visit in October. If you visited, please don't let that number diminish the fact that you were here. After all, you are my favorite. I'm ever thankful for the memories we were able to share. [Excerpt]
Fall. Everyone's favorite culture. Even the textiles seem softer and smoother and more gentle on the skin. As if the air itself tastes like grace. Cathartic clouds -- turquoise sheets draped behind gray piles of cumulonimbus lace. A cool breeze blowing through, carrying us back to high school football games and bonfires on beaches where we've never been, but we always imagined that we did. The feeling of a thousand memories inhaled in one whiff, the taste of sweet nostalgia and college meal plans. [Excerpt]
No matter how wonderful you are. Or think you are. What really makes people wonderful is when they bounce back with faith and anticipation for the next time around. Believing that the win is coming. No matter what actually happens. [Excerpt]
The fear didn't just immediately melt away when I made up my mind to go on this adventure. No, first fear tried to bring all its friends, every single one of my insecurities, along on this vacation. [Excerpt]
Don't be afraid to ask: Why do I want this? If you find yourself coming back to your heart, go for it. If you find yourself pointing to others, particularly to please them, consider running from it. Right now is the perfect time to begin answering that call you've let ring again and again like a morning alarm clock. Stop hitting the snooze. [Excerpt]
If I'm being honest, I feel as though I've been called out into the wilderness. Bear with me on this one. Yes, I know New York City wouldn't quite be described as a wilderness by experts of geography or ecology or theology or desertology. But think of it this way... [Excerpt]
It's been a whirlwind to say the least. New city, new apartment, new art for the walls, new roommates, new job, new subway system, new coworkers, new grocery store, new church, new, new, new, new. It's no wonder that I've been stumped on what to write for this post because it seems like everything is new. I didn't know how to start the update, so maybe that's why I've put off writing it for so long. [Excerpt]
